When something falls apart and ends or goes away, we discover we were mistaken about what we thought was real. This happens so often that we would do quite well to pause and accept the fact that we really do not know what Real is. Whenever this happens, it is time to ask Reality to teach us.
Real, by definition is something that lasts. Real perseveres, continues on, and is forever there. That is what real is. Eternal. Real. Reality. Do you know anything that fits the definition of real? What is real right now for you at this time? What has persevered through all the people and things you have lost? Is there something there that you can sense has always been there? Even if you can not sense it right now, can you agree that it is still there?
The chair is not real. The furniture is not real. The computer is not real. Even your eyes, hands, and body are not real. All these things, and all things, will eventually go away. That is the nature of the unreal. What then IS real?
It is not possible to live in the unreal without the foundation of Real to house/host it. Reality is the host to all the illusions we could ever conjure up. Without the neutral space and fuel of that which eternally is- there could be no things. So by this logic we must conclude that Real does exist. There is a state of real beyond all the illusions we are surrounded by and entrenched in.
How did the illusions arise? This question can only come from inside illusion and is of no importance in Reality which has no need to question what arises from it. Reality is at peace with what arrises.
Engaging in illusions is compulsive and happens before we know it. We place our trust upon that which is unstable and inevitably experience the pain of loss when it goes away.
The pain of loss compels anger, confusion, and bitterness. How could that thing we decided was real betray us? How could it behave so immorally, so unethically, with such disregard for what I want and truly deserve? What I want is good! What I want is peace, connection, and communication. Wanting connection and stability is not the problem. Your wants and needs are important and it is not possible to stop wanting or needing them.
Where you look for that connection and stability is where the problem comes from. Looking for lasting connection in that which is destined to fade is the error we are making.
Look beyond the material world of people and things for that which lasts. See in all people and all things that they have within them an eternal dimension regardless of how deeply they fail in the temporary world. It is not possible to ever truly succeed in a temporary world since, by its very laws, it is only a matter of time before what is will fade away.
It is not the event or the person that caused the pain, it was our relationship to what we thought the event or person was which causes the pain we feel. When we lose something, what we thought was real was not real. What we thought would be reliable let us down. We trusted and were betrayed, not because people enjoy hurting us. People do not enjoy this. We were betrayed by our own ability to see the thinness of the ice we walked out on.
When we get angry with someone or some situation for failing to continue on as we want and need, we attack the gift and the grace of what we did receive from them and only add to the pain of the loss by adding bitterness. In reality, each experience we receive from another is complete as it is in the moment it occurs and that is all that can be asked of it. To expect more is to leave reality.
Reality is made of such an astounding Grace that it lets you leave it without judging you. In Reality, you are free to pursue illusions until the end of time. Reality will wait for you to grow tired. Reality will not punish you for traveling away from it. Because Reality, being what it is, knows that all is already well. Your adventures and explorations and process of discovery is utterly welcomed and accepted by the Reality that enables it. You are loved. Your interests are interesting to Reality which is in an eternally profound process of self-discovery. You are that process. Your mistakes are no mistakes at all.
When you meet someone and that well-known feeling of excitement wells up with the sensation of making a connection and feeling safe, place your attention on that feeling, and not on the person. The feeling of connection is the eternal, and dependable real ‘thing.’ And that feeling is not material. Not a body or a thing to touch, take, or hold. The feeling is within. That is the nature of Real and that is what endures.